Entry: Sitting Alone Saturday, November 20, 2004



Whenever I am on a business trip I end up at some point sitting somewhere alone.  Or at least emotionally alone.  I don't know why this feeling overcomes me, but it is something I am constantly battling with.  Some people say it's anxiety and I need to relax, some people say it's my family-oriented mindset.  I don't know what it is, but it really is the worst thing in the world.  I feel as if all the people I am remembering, thinking of, and wishing I was with are not really thinking of me.  It feels as if I am stuck in a remote part of the world and I am never going to be reunited with them again.  It is actually quite awful.  I just felt the feeling, and I will tell you that I don't know why it happens.  My girl is a good person, she loves me and when I am not around it is difficult for her to ground herself, but she tries hard.  My mother is wonderful and I know that she thinks of me on a regular basis.  My dad loves me to death, but is always busy, and then all of my friends, ex-love's of my life, and family are all busy with their lives and I might be a thought once in a while, but on a regular basis, no.  I don't know why that bothers me.  It is like I am a person who can not let go.  I hang on to the memories, the feelings, the thoughts that I once had and still, to this day, possess.  How do I let these go?  Should I?  Or maybe I should learn how to suppress these thoughts and feelings???  I really wish things were different and I could, because it would make traveling a hell of a lot easier.

Oh well, little sad on the road.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and God Bless!

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